I Shit Music

There’s a ton of unwritten but wholeheartedly valid rules about rock and roll bands out there, but I’d say the Top 5 has to include “Don’t let your wives get a say in the band.” Straight up, that’s all there is to it. The relationships band members forge with one another can, in a way, be even more involved and complicated than any marriage. There’s usually more than just 2 people in the situation, you have a whole network of employees and fans to worry about, and most likely there’s no amazing sex involved. Obviously, Yoko Ono is the go-to example of said situation, and that’s led to God-knows-how-many labeling of an over-involved woman who people start calling Yoko So-and-So, or So-and-So Ono. I mean for fuck’s sake, I love John Lennon, but the world’s most obscure performance artist had no place suddenly joining the greatest Pop act of all time. Anyway I bring this up due to my recent frustration over the Gener Ono situation.

For the past few months, the devoted followers of the Boognish like myself have been trying to comprehend exactly what led to Gene Ween breaking up Ween. Obviously he’s been having a tough time staying sober, but more info seems to be dropping about Deaner and Gener just totally not being the pals they once were. They aired a lot of their frustrations towards one another publicly a few days ago on the awesomely absurd Ween Forum – you can dig through the rants HERE. Basically they’re pissed at each other – you know, shit happens. And Deaner made the simple comment that he doesn’t really know Gene’s wife of 8 years, and that she doesn’t fully understand what the band is all about, and thus she shouldn’t be joining into the argument. But I’ll be damned if the lady didn’t post a solid 1,000 word rant on the forum – butting in about what Gener says about the band off the road and other stupid shit. It’s not only completely pointless, (because who gives a fuck what Gener’s wife has to say,) but it also make him look like a complete douche by having his unknown wife suddenly jump into the argument to defend her husband’s breaking up of the band. I’m sorry Pollyana, but you have nothing to do with Ween and your interference only makes it seem like you potentially had something to do with Ween breaking up. I’m gonna rank this as the#4stupid wife of band butt-in of all time. Here’s the rest of my Top 5 -

#1 – Yoko – duh

#2 – Phil Lesh’s Wife – It’s been well known that the woman has taken quite the controlling hand in Phil’s affairs since Jerry died, but her biggest mistake was causing Steve Kimock to quite Phil and Friends in 1999. All Kimock ever really said about the subject was that he “wasn’t gonna work on Maggie’s Farm no more.” The rumors are that she wasn’t into Steve’e backstage heroin abuse, but c’mon, the dude’s trying to fill in for Garcia. If he wants to poke a little smack before he launches into the nether-realm, then let him. Complicated topic, but still not hers to get involved in.

#3 – David St. Hubbins’ Wife – Ugh, we all hate Jeanine Pettibone and how she nearly broke up Spinal Tap. But nothing was worse than when she fucked up the sound-check for the rare oldie “Gimme Some Money.” Hell, the boys are finally busting out “GSM” and she has the nerve to come on the mic – “Hellllloooooo darling!” What a bitch.

#4 – Gener’s Wife

#5 – Warren Haynes’ Wife - If you ever listen to the JamOn station on Sirius/XM satellite radio, then you’ve probably wondered why the hell Stefani Scamardo is so fucking obsessed with the Southern axe-shredder. I mean honestly, nobody should be that obsessed with Warren Haynes, but she can’t go 15 minutes on the radio without mentioning how amazing he is. Once you realize she’s his wife, her voice become even more annoying. It’s like some asshole Mom whose son has the lead role in the 4th Grade Christmas Spectacular.

Oh well, let’s watch some decade old videos from before Ween let someone nose in on their business. Here’s a couple lovely acoustic numbers a fan posted on the forum the other day.